My Retreat Failed

A few weeks before my flight to Portugal for our retreat, focused on planting seeds of intention for future growth, I began to feel a bit defeated. No one had signed up. Thoughts of failure started to haunt me.

Last October, Mariana and I hosted an incredible retreat on her land, Animame Algarve. We set the next dates for March 19–24, aligning with the Spring Equinox. We put so much time and energy into the preparation. At first, everything was flowing—five women were coming together almost weekly to bounce around ideas and get our creativity going.

But something inside me felt off. I wasn’t sure if it was self-doubt or just fear rearing its head. I kept moving forward but didn’t push the retreat hard on social media or with friends. Many showed interest, but the timing wasn’t right. Slowly, the other women began to step back too—the timing just wasn’t aligned for them.

As I felt the energy fading, I booked my flight to Portugal anyway. I wanted to commit—whatever the outcome. In the end, it was just Mariana and me working on the project. We had been brought together the year before by her friend Vinay from Harvard, and the first time I heard her voice note, I knew we were meant to create something together.

I told Mariana maybe it was meant to be just the two of us. We decided to shift our plan: instead of a full retreat, we’d host a few smaller events locally and a one-day retreat on Saturday the 22nd.

Then, just a week before my flight, Mariana sent me a voice note—she had been accepted into a six-month regenerative business bootcamp with NOVA University in Lisbon. Her excitement radiated through the message. The only issue? The first day of the program was the same day as our event.

She told me she would cancel if I wanted her to, but also offered to bring me with her.

As soon as I heard her voice, I felt chills. Something in me lit up. I knew immediately—this was it. The retreat had never really been for others to plant their seeds, it was for us, for the land, for what we’re building. The Spring Equinox energy was still there, but its purpose had shifted.

I told her, “HELL YES!” I was in.

I was standing at Prague Castle, overlooking the city when I received that message. I had just finished a tour and was savoring the moment. I took a deep breath, dropped into my heart, and felt how naturally it all flowed. Unlike the retreat, which had felt like a push, this felt effortless. I walked down the castle steps with a whole new energy.

When I arrived in Portugal, the weather had taken a wild turn. The region had received more rain than it had since 1978. Mariana’s land was flooding, and her Jeep was stuck in the mud. She called to tell me not to come. The land had essentially turned into a river.

I stayed another night in Lagos, safe and dry, listening to the torrential downpour outside my window. I sat there thanking the universe. If we’d had eight women fly in for the retreat only to find their glamping tents underwater, it would have been a disaster—emotionally and reputationally. Mother Nature was redirecting us.

The next day I finally met up with Mariana. We stayed in Carvoeiro, her hometown, in an apartment her mother offered us. The rain continued, but we were finally together. The last time I visited Portugal, we were always surrounded by people. This time, we got space to connect. Over fresh eggs and simple ravioli, we talked and sipped tea until bedtime.

I wasn’t sure whether to sleep in the room or on the couch. I’m a sensitive sleeper and often absorb others’ energy. I peeked in, and Mariana invited me to join. We both slept deeply—a rare thing for us around others—and in the morning we laughed about how sacred and necessary good rest is and that we were thankful we feel at ease together. It was as if it was our first test as business partners.

 We spent the next days getting to know each other better and enjoying our time. Mariana began to share with me how she was feeling some pressure from people who wanted to come live on the land and create their projects there. As she shared with me their messages I felt two things, number one I felt them pushing their ideas on her and number two I felt a little push inside of myself saying "I want to create with you!" I asked Mariana to feel into how these requests made her feel and to trust her intuition, we pulled a tarot card, the card revealed Judgement and the need for Mariana to trust her own judgment. It's a reminder that when we feel some resistance to lean into those feelings and really trust what our body is telling us about a person or a situation. Often the answer lies in the feeling not in the mind.

Carvoeiro enchanted me. I walked the golden cliffs in the mornings, imagining Mariana as a child. I passed her school, the Fort of Our Lady of the Incarnation, and stood overlooking the Atlantic’s deep blue waves. It feels peaceful now, but these cliffs once bore witness to fear and survival. In 1544, Barbary pirates raided the coast and were met by Portuguese defenders. As I stood on March 20th watching the biggest waves crash into the cliffs, I could feel that tension in the air. The ocean was wild and powerful. The energy of the Spring Equinox pulsed through the coastline, and through me. I wasn't the only one who noticed, crowds of people stood in awe of the crashing waves.

That afternoon, Mariana and I boarded a bus to Lisbon, the first leg of our adventure to Golegã. We stayed at her grandmother’s beautiful apartment, where she had once lived during university. We started the day with fresh orange juice and croissants at her favorite corner spot. The man behind the counter remembered her and made her usual—croissant with cheese. I went with a sweet one, I savored every bite of the chocolate-hazelnut filling.

At 7:40, we caught our train to Golegã, arriving with time to spare before the event started at 9:30. The town, nestled in the Ribatejo region between the Tagus River and vast farmland, is known for its horses—especially the Lusitano breed. The streets are filled with signs of horses, and carriages roll by like you’ve stepped into another time.

The event was held at Casa Mendes Gonçalves, and as soon as I walked in, I felt the buzz. Big thinkers filled the space. I was honored to be among them. From Minnesota to Golegã, Portugal—sometimes I marvel at how life flows. I believe it’s because I stay open and push my comfort zone. At this point, that zone has expanded tenfold since I left the U.S.

This event was the kickoff to a six-month course designed to help regenerative businesses clarify their vision and prepare for investment. Regenerative means going beyond sustainability—it’s about healing, restoring, and leaving things better than we found them.

One facilitator had us sit on the ground for a meditation. We visualized our neighborhood. I saw my childhood community, people behind fences, armored up, hiding in their homes, focused on competition, material gain and survival. I then saw that same place transformed—walls down, people dancing around a fire, all of the backyards connected and turned into gardens and gathering places for everyone. The community flourished in my vision and people were connecting and spreading love and joy. I could see humans reaching a higher potential through tapping into the power within us, I could see that this can only happen when we are whole and healthy and that the land would feel it too. I saw us as an ecosystem, intricately connected, from the cells in me to my neighbor and beyond.

The vision shook me. I cried openly, and felt the everything in my body. I saw our potential, and how sick we’ve become—emotionally, socially, ecologically. We need healing. I saw clearly what I want to create with Mariana: a space to live, learn, grow, and heal. A community center, a gathering place, a land that regenerates people and planet. A place people can both live and visit, a place for creativity, inspiration, and connection. A place built with natural materials, working with nature rather than against it. 

That weekend, I knew without a doubt: I was meant to be in Golegã. Portugal had called me. Mariana and I are a team, and this is our path. I am committed to the six month course and seeing what we can create together. I will spend more time in Portugal and explore the idea of living on the land. I will embrace nature and step into a more natural way of living. We will share our journey, I will allow my dreams to come to fruition and be open to receiving, stepping fully into my feminine. 

I came hoping to help others plant their seeds of intention—but instead, I planted my own. I don’t know exactly what’s next, but I know I will keep following my heart. I will choose trust over fear.

I’m deeply grateful that our retreat “failed.” Because in that space, something even more meaningful bloomed.

Mariana has a shirt that says, Fail fast, succeed soon. I think I’m adopting that as my new motto.

So if you’re afraid of failing—go for it anyway.You might just walk away with more than you ever dreamed of .

If this story touched something in you…

This journey isn’t just mine. It’s ours. It’s for anyone daring to plant new seeds, embrace uncertainty, and live in alignment with the earth, each other, and our inner truth.

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